Life’s Hard
Add being a student to the mix and you’re a walking, talking ball of stress. Or, at least I am.
I’ve found professional therapy to be beneficial in helping me become more resilient and mindful, especially during stressful stretches of life. In this post, I want to share with you the methods that clinical psychologist Dr. Milena Tatic Bajich has taught me to ease anxiety and stress.
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During college, I constantly felt overwhelmed, anxious, and stressed. Even when I didn’t have looming exams or was home on break, the stressors of school still affected me. Although I didn’t seek therapy when I was in undergrad (though I probably should have), I begin counseling after graduation to improve my coping skills, learn better self-care, and work toward improved mental health.
According to the American Counseling Association, counselors “help clients identify goals and potential solutions to problems which cause emotional turmoil; seek to improve communication and coping skills; strengthen self-esteem; and promote behavior change and optimal mental health.” If you feel bogged down by similar feelings that affect me, I recommend looking into talking to a professional. If you don’t feel ready for that step yet, at least follow the tips that I’m passing along to you here.
Grounding Yourself
One tool I’ve learned to use when feeling anxious is called grounding. Grounding serves as a way to bring a person back to the present moment, leaving anxious thoughts elsewhere. Though there are many grounding techniques, the two that Dr. Bajich taught me are focusing on the space between each breath and asking,”what will be my next thought?”
Focusing on the Space Between Each Breath
Close your mouth, draw in air through your nose, and feel the coolness inside your nostrils. When you breathe out, notice how it feels warm. Then it feels cool again, and then warm, a cycle that continues for as long as we live.
During the transition from cold to hot, from inhale to exhale, we pause. Focusing on this natural pause brings the mind from wherever it’s wandering to the present moment. Dr. Bajich explains in her video around 6:01 that observing each breath lets go of the pre-conceived story we’ve made for ourselves in our minds. In that moment, we can focus on who we are and not worry about what we don’t have, what people think of us, or who we may become. All that is true when focusing on the pause between each breath is now. Not only does this activity clear anxious thoughts, but it also shows us life in the present moment.
Dr. Bajich advised me to stop and take note of the pause between by breaths whenever I can. This exercise is invisible, so I do it on the train, in bed, out with friends–everywhere. When I feel anxious, it’s because I’m thinking about the future, so if I only focus on the space between each of my breaths, my mind pauses and I’m brought back to the present moment.
Asking,”What Will Be My Next Thought?”
Another grounding technique I use when thoughts race through my mind is asking myself, “what will be my next thought?” If I get caught up in a whirlwind of what ifs, predicting my next thought stops me in my tracks. How can I know what I’ll think next if I haven’t thought it yet?
It sounds so simple, but I’ve found this activity to be useful in slowing my mind down. It brings me to the present and stops toxic thoughts before they happen.
Loving Yourself
Self-love is the valuing of one’s own happiness and well-being. It involves not only actively affirming the love you have for yourself, but also being gentle with yourself . Though there are many forms of self-love and self-care, I’ve been practicing telling myself “I love you” and allowing myself to make mistakes.
Saying “I Love Myself”
Do you ever catch yourself judging people who you don’t even know? I’ve silently criticized people for their shoes, their behavior, their outfit–whatever! I don’t even consider myself to be a judgmental person and I still draw quick conclusions about complete strangers.
These judgements we make about other people are rooted in our own insecurities. Dr. Bajich taught me that whenever I have a nasty thought about another person, to stop the thought and think: “I love myself. I am worthy.” By catching each negative thought and instead affirming self-love, I practice behavior that makes me a better person to myself and to others.
Allowing Yourself to Make Mistakes
Far easier said than done. Life (and school) is a learning environment, so you have to let yourself make mistakes and learn from them. It seems that people interested in dentistry tend to be perfectionists, a trait that can lead to constant feelings of inadequacy. I struggle with not beating myself up about mistakes, but have been practicing learning and letting go. When you feel frustration rising from a mistake or imperfection, think: will this matter tomorrow? Next year? In five years?
Most of the time, the blunder doesn’t even affect the next hour. I try to keep my worries in check by remembering that mistakes are learning tools and most often effect no one.
Strengthening Your Inner Muscle
I’m not talking about doing crunches, rather, I’m talking about working out your inner self and self-confidence. I’m a bit of a push-over and take everything personally (well, not as much as before–I’m working on it!) so, Dr. Bajich has given me strategies to grow my self-confidence. She recommends I stick up for myself and view difficult people and situations as ways to improve myself.
Sticking Up for Yourself
I hate conflict and have always tried to avoid it at any cost. Because speaking up can cause conflict, in the past, I’ve kept quiet even when I perhaps shouldn’t have. Avoidance is a coping mechanism that only causes additional stress, and so I have to learn how to face conflict head-on and stand up for myself.
Dr. Bajich gave me the suggestion of speaking up during trivial situations to “strengthen” my sense of self. Wrong coffee order? I let the barista know. I don’t want the drink I’m offered at the party? I tell the host. Even though I’m still afraid to speak up in situations that can cause actual conflict, by sticking up for myself a little everyday, my fear is diminishing because my sense of self is growing.
Viewing Difficult People and Situations as Ways to Improve Yourself
Undergrad and dental school are four-year-long, difficult situations filled with difficult people. Classes are challenging, professors are nit-picky, and projects are endless. This undoubtedly feels overwhelming.
I’ve been trying to reframe my thinking to view tough situations and people as being in my life specifically to make me a stronger, more self-confident person. Like the childhood story says, “can’t go over it, can’t go under it, can’t go around it, got to go through it!” I’ve got to go through the hard situations and deal with challenging people to grow into my own, strong person.
Though it sometimes feels impossible to “just go through” something, I try my best to think about other situations I made it through and remember the sense of accomplishment (and relief) that I had as a result. Viewing tough moments in school and everyday life as deliberate challenges to better myself helps me prevail and succeed.
Conclusion
College and dental school are environments to learn, both about your class material and yourself. I myself am a work in progress. Though I still have a ways to go in my journey, the tools I’ve learned with Dr. Bajich have helped me make great strides. I highly recommend reaching out to a councilor or therapist for personalized guidance in how to reach your goals and if not that, I hope these tips here are useful. Let me know if you have other tools that help you!